I have been thinking about sharing my new discovery for quite some time, so brace yourselves. I have discovered how to take a shower that will make you feel like the morning of the resurrection. Let me first set the stage. Monday evening, I have 4 horses scheduled to shoe. The sign at the bank said 92 degrees. After the first two were done I drove to the final two of the day. It is 7:00 and it gets dark at 9:00, so I should have just enough time. Then, nonchalantly the lady says, "We bought another horse on the weekend, can you do him tonight too?" So I had to fly to get 3 done in just over 2 hours, and thought I could finally go home to my wife. But no, the neighbor came over and asked if I could do one for him too. I told him I was coming that way in the morning and could get to the horse sometime around noon, but he was leaving at 6:00 and wanted him done then. What do you do? Well, we turned on the headlights and I did him too. So, total count for the day, 2 in the morning, 6 in the evening, still feels like its 140 degrees outside. I felt like I'd been through 17 straight wrestling practices. I staggered in at 10:30 and turned on the shower. Here is where you should all take notes.
Step 1: Get clean, do what you have to do, just take a normal shower.
Step 2: Gradually turn up the heat during step 1. Gradually so you can burn yourself without really being burned. I can get it tons hotter than Sherrie, maybe because men are tougher than women, maybe not, but you must get it as hot as you can possibly stand it, and then stand in it for a minute. You'll get used to it.
Step 3: Start turning it down. You don't have to take forever, but too fast could cause brain damage. Your brain will need time to adjust. Trust me.
Step 4: Turn it as cold as it goes, and tell yourself to keep breathing. That is important, because the brain slows down and it will become hard to stay in there, but stay as cold as it goes for at least 30 seconds. I find that breathing deep through your mouth is best. Now, you Valley-ites might not be able to complete step #4 because your water is basically purified urine, but up here our water still comes out of the ground and is liquid ice, practically year round. So, Valley-ites, you might not wake up on resurrection morning like the rest of us, but hey, wasn't all that heat a fair warning? Just saying.
Step 5: Get out of the shower. This seems like the easiest step, but due to the brain freeze, it is actually quite difficult at first. But that's it. This recipe will make you feel like "limb and joint has been restored to its proper frame." It comes short on the hair of the head restoration, but as far as limb and joint, this is a miracle formula. So try it. You'll wake up on resurrection morning with a familiar feeling. Thank me later.
